Me: Was this pregnancy planned?
Pt: Well, I was tryin’, and then I just wasn’t getting pregnant. It just wasn’t happening. And then I missed my period and I was like What is this?? And I went to the dollar store near my house (laugh) and I bought one of those test things and it was positive and I called you guys and said the test was positive and the nurse, I forget her name, but I was talkin’ to her and she was like you better come in and I was like But does it matter where you get the test like what if I got it at the dollar store or something? (laugh) and she was like, No it doesn’t matter where you got the test so I guess that was it.
Me: It says here you have no drug allergies. Is that right?
Pt: Yup. No allergies, well except lidocaine. And epinephrine.
Me: Do you have good sources of iron in your diet?
Pt: I can’t eat bananas. I just don’t like them.
Me: I wasn’t going to recommend bananas for iron.
Pt: No, you don’t understand. I just can’t eat bananas! (laugh). I just hate them. Even thinking about them, ug! I just cannot eat any bananas for the rest of my life.
Me: Listen to me. You don’t have to eat bananas. What about red meat? Do you eat red meat?
Pt: Not really. I mean, if my grandma makes something at her house and I go over there I might have some, but I don’t eat pork or anything.
Me: Pork isn’t red meat.
Pt: I eat chicken and fish but no pork. I just do not like pork.
Me…
Me: I see in your problem list that you have a history of seizures. When was the last time you had a seizure?
Pt: Oh like a long time ago, it’s not even really a problem any more. Like 2 or 3 years ago. I was hospitalized that time. I think should have my records for that. But it was like a big deal because I was like unconscious and that’s when they found out I was allergic to epinephrine.
Me: I see in your problem list that you have a history of herpes. Is that type 1 or 2?
Pt: What? I ain’t never had any kind of herpes or anything like that. We’ve been together for over 3 years now and I haven’t had anything. I had Chlamydia. Maybe that’s why my chart says that about herpes or whatever.
Me: Chlamydia and herpes are two very separate things. And you may have never had an outbreak. We just don’t want you to have an outbreak during pregnancy-when you are in labor. We wouldn’t want the baby to be exposed to a herpes lesion.
Pt: I have no idea why my chart says that. I have never had any kind of anything anywhere. I definitely don’t have herpes. That must be wrong.
Me: Do you have any concerns about your caffeine intake?
Pt: Well (laugh). I like coffee a lot. In the morning I usually have like 3 cups of coffee and then in the afternoon I usually get a Turbo.
Me: What is a Turbo?
Pt: It’s at Dunkin Donuts. It’s a coffee with a shot of espresso in it.
Me…
Pt: But I love the taste! (laugh)
Pt: So, how big is the baby now?
Me: After you get dressed, come into my office and I’ll show you some pictures I have of what your baby looks like.
Pt: Oh my god (laugh)! Okay (laugh). Cool.
1 comment:
at least you see the humor in all of this, or are able to make it humorous for your readers at least.
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